Oscar scorecard

Since the awards themselves were pretty predictable, here's a rundown on the fluff stuff.

Best joke: Chris Rock's Gap analogy
Best dress: Cate Blanchett
Best quick-witted response: Jeremy Irons
Best scene-stealer: Beyonce
Best speech: Jamie Foxx
Worst joke: Chris Rock's "breastfed an apple" intro for Gwyneth Paltrow
Worst hair: Sean Penn (he may not have a sense of humor, but his hair stylist does)

***

From the L.A. Weekly:

Chris Rock was driving in L.A. traffic when the guy in the car next to him at a red light hollered, "I just rented Head of State and I want my four bucks back."

Both cars drove on when the light turned green, but at the next red Rock responded by throwing a wadded up $5 bill into the other guy's open window. Rock smiled as he drove away, yelling, "Keep the change!"

Things TV teaches us

1. TV can teach us about the downfalls of alternate lifestyles.

Lesson from this week's episode of The O.C.: Don't be sucked in by the siren song of lesbian experimentation chic. You know, women who are into women have to do dishes, too.

2. TV can teach us the power of the entrepreneurial spirit.

Lesson from this week's episode of The Apprentice: Don't let your freedom of expression be hampered by the dictates of Webster's Dictionary. That would be demeaningful.

Animation dissipation

Over the past decade or so, I've made it a tradition to attend the annual Spike and Mike Animation Festival. Back in the day, that meant crowding into a university gym with about 1,000 other animated films fans to revel in the brilliance of "Wallace and Gromit" and other international wonders like "Balance." As time went by, the crowds got smaller and the shows got thinner and more uneven. In the last year or so, the festival finally disappeared in the wake of the evidently more lucrative "sick and twisted" animation circuit.

From the look of things, "Beavis and Butthead"/"King of the Hill" creator Mike Judge is trying to resuscitate the celebration of non-sick and twisted animation artistry with this year's The Animation Show. Thank ye kindly, Mikey.

The waning of the category shows in the staggered year-of-release dates in this year's mix, which reach back to 1999's elegant tale of urban-dwelling animals called "When the Day Breaks." Other stand-outs from the show were Jonathan Nix's clever "Hello," where boombox-headed characters yearn for a love connection, and the gorgeous and disturbing "Fallen Art", which proves that a simple story with dialogue limited to "blah-blah-blahs" and grunts can deliver a gripping anti-war message in the time it takes to poach an egg.

***

I was very sad to hear about Sandra Dee's passing. Her surfer girl classic "Gidget" is one of my top ten favorite movies of all time. "Ah, gee, Moondoggie. Anyone with eyes could tell the guy that I've been gone on all summer!"

***

Even though I can't stand sports, I'm really happy that Shaq beat that brat Bryant in the All-Star game. Kazzam!

Gob as heartthrob

I'm developing a mad crush on Will Arnett, Gob of Arrested Development , and I don't care who knows it.

I was recently listening to the cast commentary on the first season DVD and was happy to hear Willy boy getting props for his expertly modulated emotions and physicality. Now that's acting, as they say. And, actually, said.

I read that he's married to SNL's Amy Poehler. That lucky beotch. Why, I'd give almost anything to be riding behind W.A. on his signature stand-up scooter, arms clasped around his fictional illusionist waist with the wind in my hair. "Macaroni...let me finish...salad."

Speaking of hair, Gnolly, I'd like to say that I was sporting a purple silhouette of the Eiffel Tower on the crown of my head. Like. Liiiiikkke. I'll know more in two weeks. Thanks for asking.

Marx and Coca-Cola

This weekend's movie was Jean-Luc Godard's 1966 Masculine Feminine--a kind of dissected romantic comedy grafted with political commentary. It's smart, charming and still fresh all these years later. As the song goes, "The fundamental things apply as time goes by."

As a bonus, the concession stand guy told me my striped capri pants were cute and the movie's poster, which I now possess, is even cuter than the aforementioned pants.

Asked and answered

Quoted in Entertainment Weekly:

"For a fun second-term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase 'contentious but futile protest vote by Democrats.' By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria."
- Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

***

It has recently come to my attention that I've been remiss in my musical shout-outs for 2004. I'm not sure why I forgot to include The Concretes self-titled album, but it shoulda been in my top 10. It rocks in a drowsy way that's nearly impossible to resist. Perhaps forgetting to include it is a sign that I buy too many albums. Another indicator of that likely fact is that I was admiring a song in a Target commercial, wondering who did it. Yesterday I realized it was on said The Concretes album. *Sigh*

In other music news, Inara George's beautifully bittersweet album All Rise is this year's Sea Change judging by the frequency of its rotation in my sound system and its similar potency in getting under my skin and fitting my state of mind.

P.U.

I just took a walk around the parking lot and now I'm sitting at my desk bearing the oddly overbearing odor of "eau de kids apres recess." In junior high, I used to be a grade school teacher's assistant and I remember almost being suffocated by the funky fresh odor of 25 little kids coming in from playing in the "fresh" air. What is the chemistry behind recess reeking? We may never know, but it persists into adulthood according to my personal findings.

Free Nelson Mandela quote

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." — Nelson Mandela

Happy Chow Yun Fat, everybody!

If pressed, I'd have to say my favorite episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is the one with Krazee Eyez Killa. There are so many layers of gags and smart humor in that one, plus Martin Scorsese. It's like a comedic seven-layer dip with fresh-made guacamole. Although the carpooling prostitute episode would probably take a close second.

Today a friend at work was telling me about her upcoming trip to see her grandparents in celebration of Chinese New Year. I asked, "How do you say Happy New Year in Chinese again? Chow Yun Fat?"

"Um, that's the actor," she said, politely swallowing a laugh.