Cent #1: Check out the January 2007 cover of Marie Claire magazine. Somehow, Christina Aguilera even manages to make pregnancy look g-damn filthy. "Wanna watch my water break, big boy?" Good grief on a pogo stick.
Cent #2: I was looking forward to seeing Juno when I first saw the trailer on TV a month or so ago. It seemed to promise a witty and irreverent film repast. Right up my alley, as it were. But evidently Fox Searchlight Pictures is really putting all its fertilized eggs in one basket with this baby, since it feels like the airwaves are all Juno ads, all the time. Even though the commercial cuts mix it up with different lines in different spots, it's nothing less than a full frontal bombardment of self-conscious cleverness.
I swear, last night I must've clocked my 100th encounter with the TV ad. I'm beginning to actively hate Juno and all it represents. I feel like I've been pummeled black and blue by quirky—and I can usually go eight rounds with eccentric and walk out of the ring a champ.
How annoyed am I? Let's just say "this year's Napolean Dynamite" box office take will be $11.50 short of what it could've been. I'm gonna go make myself a g-damn quesa-dillah instead.
Cent #3: What is UP with SJP's raccoon-esque eye make-up in the new commercial for her "Covet" perfume? She looks like a veteran carney who has stayed too long at the fair crossed with a Bellevue escapee. Her painfully forced flirting in the back of the cop car is cringe-worthy. And this girl could out-flirt a Parisian prostitute in her SATC prime. Ingenue? More like Inge-old. Honey, I'm 42, so I can say this with hard-earned authority. Act your age, not your Manolo Blahnik size.
So that's my three cents. And I feel better for having tossed them into your fountain.
You make think I sound bitter, but I bet David Spade would find me highly employable.
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